Sunday, April 26, 2009

To Her, To Him (2 poems- "I Should Have Known" and "To Him")

I should have known it was true,______________ I should have known it was true,
that you loved me. _________________________ that you really did like me.
Your persistence, your point of view, ___You could have kept me away from you
should have told me. _______________________ but you unblocked me.
You thought I was becoming less ___________ I thought you were stuck between
than I wanted to be. ______________________ me and your duty.
You saw my apparent mess ________________ I tried to stay quiet and observe
and offered to hold me. _____________________but to play is more me.
You tried to help me, lift me up _______________I tried to lift you up, not knowing
when I was down. ___________________________ what you need.
You offered me your hand, a cup ______ I offered what I thought would be showing
of wishes blown. __________________________ that I wanted to be
You offered me a shoulder to rest______________A friend, more than a friend
your weary head. __________________________ if you would
You passed each and every test_____________ I don't know why your coldness
before you set._____________________________ I understood
You tried to reach me any way ____________ Was not malicious, at least not until
you thought you could. ______________________ you felt a threat
You opened up to a dangerous game _________ You started playing games to fill
you knew wasn't good.______________________ my trusting head
You forgave my abuses even though _________You would not tell me any truths
I did not care._____________________________ except with words
You tried to make me feel whole______________ I tried to keep my oath to you
when no other would dare. ___________________ as my friend deserved

I should have known that in your own way__ I should have known that in your own _____________________________________________________way
You loved me.______________________________ You loved me.
I should have realized the trust you gave__I should have realized that you did not ____________________________________________________trust
was the glory. ______________________________a total stranger.
I should have thought to keep it safe _______ I thought by telling you all of my stuff
since you're like me.________________________ you'd feel no danger.
You're used to having others take_______ Like you, I'm used to having others take
what isn't free._______________________________what isn't free.

But I did not. I chose instead__________________For so long, I held out hope
to play your trust. ____________________________ that you were he.
Not knowing the sense inside your head_________ I also prayed to one day know
would be so much.___________________________ if you could love me.
You could not be fooled, misled__________________ I never tried to fool you
by posers, by rhymes._________________________ and I played the games.
I ignored that I had begun to tread__________ But I was blind that some were you
on battle lines.______________________________ with other names.

Your heart had somehow found_______________My heart had somehow found
its way to me __________________________________its way to you
And listened to every sound ____________________ I listened to every sound
and every plea.______________________________ and tried to respond to
Your faith had flown above __________________ Your pleas with my faith in us
each mountain top____________________________ that's all I had
But I was scared you couldn't love._____________ I tried to keep raising the love
I did not stop. ________________________________ I wanted to have
I crushed you and beat you down______________I felt crushed and beaten down
each chance I got._____________________________ but could not stop
And each time I thought you'd surely drown______ My feelings that had only grown
you would not.________________________________on precious drops
More important than finding love _____________Of hope, for your words I knew
was to break your will.________________________ that you wanted me here
I had never seen one so tough.____________ Of trust, for your words seemed true
Your spirit could not be killed.____________________ despite my fears.
That made me want to break you________________ That made me want to fight
even more.___________________________________ even more.
I wanted to shake you, take you____________ But then I learned that you might
naked, on the floor.__________________________ have an uneven score.

My game, my game, what did I do_____________The games began before I could
to lose you.____________________________________figure out
My name, my name, more than a few____________ What I should not or should
to fool you. ___________________________________ trust or doubt.
I fooled myself into losing a friend ________________ I worried the whole time
in you. ____________________________________I would lose a friend.
I know this is the end_______________________ I tried to find the bad guys
for you.___________________________________ and make this end.
You could never forgive this deed__________________ Then I became aware
I've done._________________________________ the bad guys were you
You could never ever believe _________________ I tried to let you know I cared
I'm the one.______________________________ and not fall in front of you.

Maybe you could forgive me _________________ Maybe you could forgive me
after all._______________________________________for my part
Maybe you could believe______________________ Maybe you could trust me
that I did fall._________________________________ and hold my heart
You are the one who gave me_________________ You are the one who gave me
hope that I could rise.__________________________ the beauty I lacked
You did try your best to save me,____And what your arms missed you promised me
tried to give me your eyes.___________________ Your heart would catch.

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