Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I've waited all day until just now,
I'm going to bed,
This moment, this moment I love,
finally here, I can dream of you.

Tears of relief rolled down my temples,
traversed my hairline, crept into my ears.

On my back at dusk becoming twilight.
A tall broad pine throws out it branches
to hide the moon, but I can see it radiant.

Like a girl, I giggle at the fireflies.
Can you guess what I am thinking?

Candles burn to keep mosquitos at bay.

Finally, the first twinkle of a star,
then another, then another.
The rest begin to show themselves.

The moon moves quickly now.

Newborn shadows dance across the wooden
planks of the deck,
flit and flutter over my legs, arms, chest,
Lightly touching my face.

The sea of blue above me
bordered by treetop banks
that form a semi-circle;

each end meets with the straight edge
of the rooftop that splits
the Old World from the New World,
but not our world.

Another Favorite

One of My Favorites

Guilty dog barked the signal

from the top of the moun'in,
Guilty dog barked the signal
from the top of the moun'in,
Let e'er body know
Him an' his pack,
not the fox,
been in the henhouse,
Let e'er body know
Him an' his pack,
not the fox,
done been in the henhouse,
Once a huntin' dog hunts the hens,
'at dog won't be e'er be right agin'
Once a huntin' dog hunts the hens,
'at dog won't e'er be right agin',
Guilty dog barked the signal
from the top of the moun'in,
Guilty dog barked the signal
from the top of the moun'in...

He didn't know when to quit

addin' moonshine
to his mornin' orange juice.
Would take a little sip,
shake his head and add a little more fire,
take a little sip,
shake his head and add a little more fire.
The he poured in a couple of glugs and
took a big swig.
Oooooh, the burn!
The burn sent him runnin' to the outhouse
where he was pissin' fire!

The Girlfriend Story

I heard this story over the weekend. Thought someone might learn from it. These three guys, who I will call Bill, Tom, and Fred - I seriously tried to think of very common male names so no one will think I am pointing a finger - were hanging out, playing pool one night. Bill was complaining about anything and everything, as usual, including his wife. Tom began to tell how he had wanted to commit to his girlfriend for a while but couldn't let go of his other relationships. Fred had a crush on the girlfriend, thought she was great. At some point during the discussion, the three guys decided that Tom's problem was that he did not trust his girlfriend. (Guilty dog barks first - he had plenty of secrets...)

Fred was a pretty smart guy and knew that Tom would probably never trust his girlfriend, and he thought she deserved better anyway. He told Tom "You want to know whether or not you can trust the woman you love, let me try to win her heart." Tom did not trust his woman, but he trusted Fred. So he agreed. (Duh!) Bill always enjoyed a good drama, wasn't ever happy unless there was some kind of action going on. He couldn't wait to see how things went.

These guys got so busted! A few weeks later, they met at Tom's house one night, failed to notice his girlfriend's car parked to the side of the house. She knew they were home, never planned to eavesdrop, but when she was in the hallway, she stopped - She heard them talking about 'a plan gone wrong.' Their conversation verified her suspicions that she was being played. The woman returned to the bedroom, thought about it for awhile. That moment was not the right time to say anything, especially since she did not want to confront three grown men in the home where she tried to maintain peace.

You've probably already guessed how this whole deal played out. She went home with Fred. There was something about him that she had always liked, though she never would have acted if Tom had returned her commitment. She was also turned on that Fred, who knew a good thing when he saw it, thought that she was a good thing and wanted to hang on to her - and not play around and lose her to some other guy. Oh yeah, and Bill got bored, found some other drama to entertain himself.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Sitting on a grey, lichen spotted, flat rock
on the side of the trail,
sounds of summer in surround sound -
twitters, buzzes,
here and there the crack of a twig and
a falling acorn,
rustling leaves.
You make me smile
as you pick up an otherwise ordinary rock
that has an odd shape;
you show me.
(I don't know much about geology,
so you are proud to show me.)
And though you are never boring,
I have to make myself listen;
I watch your gentle hands
holding the wonder,
Watch your mouth,
so beautiful to me;
Then I look in your eyes.
Your words do matter to me,
You matter to me,
So I am trying so hard to
try not to think so hard
of kissing you.

I do have a question for anyone who might be reading... What do you think of the following plot? An older woman, okay not that old, late 30's, emails some pictures to a young (early 20's), male classmate, so he can put together a slideshow of a group project. When he took the pictures using her camera, he saw some racy photos that she deleted but did not know to erase. She knows he saw them, because she saw one of them as he was taking the pictures and made an excuse to take the camera. Not thinking he could retrieve prior pics from those, since she did not see the old ones on her computer, she emails the pictures from the group project.

Later, she is blackmailed with the same pictures, and she suspects not only him, but the lover to whom she meant to send the pics, and the co-worker she believes (because there was a witness) stole her picture card and flash drive. There is also a 'mystery' hacker who could have accidentally found her pictures while looking for account numbers. Believing her entire life could be ruined for these photos, she turns detective and survives a series of adventures that include trusting her co-workers to take her to the hospital where she is strapped down in an ambulance and driven to a nuthouse. She goes along with their diagnosis, "psychotic, bipolar mania," and takes the medicine (which doubles in strength by the end of her stay) for the 7 nights she is there. Even signs a paper saying she admitted herself voluntarily; played their game in order to get out.

When she gets out, she realizes the meds are making her crazy for real and quits them. But she has lost her job - while two of the co-workers who took her to the hospital get promoted. She tries to figure out what she needs to do to get her job back, but they want nothing to do with her. Throughout all of this, her husband has been riding the fence. He has slipped up a few times, let her know that he knew more than he ever wanted to tell, especially about his affairs that she had suspected him of having. Her lover was nowhere during her abduction, waited for the storm to settle before he would make any serious attempt at contacting her. The college student and the mystery hacker have been quiet, but she feels their presence as she continues to solve her mystery.

The woman ignores amorous emotions while she works, especially in the weeks before she is captured. Only after she decides that she must try to live as normally as possible does she begin to realize that she had made a real connection with a man online. Her heart is tougher than it used to be, but she wonders whether the feelings are as real for him. She is afraid to ask him. I won't tell you the ending I have thought of, but I am working on a good one.

I may be asking way too much,

but can you possibly ever
build a world of joy
with an outcast
who throws away everything
not already stolen
for a belief in humanity?

Some fight dirty,

I try to fight fair,
only one life - no spare,
gotta make this one
count for somethin'
before midnight thirty.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

If I tell you that I love you,

will you make a fool of me?
If I tell you that I will wait for your call,
will you make me wait longer for spite?
I want to tell you these things
and so much more,
if you want to hear the words
slip from my lips,
a quiet, flowing stream of warm air
in your sweet ear.
May I nuzzle your neck
while my hands roam free from constraint?
Say you will take me somewhere
I've never been;
It doesn't have to be far from here,
but it can be,
as long as we hold hands on the trip
and when we get there.
Say you will adore me
from sunup to sundown to sunup,
and when we are asleep.
Let me give you the best years of my life
as I have honestly only just begun to live.
If I tell you that I will wait for you to call,
will you laugh at me?
If I tell you that I love you,
will you know that I mean it?

So I lose a few thou,
So I burn a few bridges,
I steal back my self-respect
from the dirty sires and bitches,
hogs and sows,
bulls and cows,
by whichever of those
you prefer to be known.
For some events,
time and reflection
are the only tools that can
perform a dissection
of truth.
Most don't know half,
but a few know all;
better get some balls.
If people think my part was juicy,
imagine if they knew the rest.
I've always thought mine was tame
in comparison. Ha!
If they want to know bad enough,
they'll know.
they will share. =)
Don't worry,
it won't hurt a bit worse than mine did.

A laugh and a half,

life is still not the worst,
and I am still kind of young,
have more than a few good years.

More than a few...
I spoke with someone once
about more than a few,
how that is better than none,

And I wonder,
what will I do with the next
more than a few good years
that I have left.

Would you care for a working class,

gutsy broad with a nice looking ass?
Could you get together during the week,
since weekends are the money peak?
Is status more important to you,
or that I know how to do what I do?
Can you still care for a woman like me,
who'd rather slave than take taxpayer money?
Can you appreciate my tough veneer,
and kiss me when I shed some tears?
Can you laugh with me, talk with me,
sit with me, walk with me?
Can you still see what you saw before,
when I had more?
Can you ever love me with all my flaws?
Will you teach me what I still don't know?
If your answer is 'no' to any of these,
then we were never meant to be.

Sold my home
to be with a man;
paid my debts,
his, too,
kept going to school,
ran up more debts than I planned;
now I'll go it alone.

Had saved,
but that money is gone.

Gone, gone, gone.

But I cannot stay,
no, I cannot stay
another day
for him to play games,
for him to play games.

There is nothing to say

that is nice.

Fucking with other people

is not nice.

That because I tried to give
another chance,

That because I cared for
someone's life to not throw away,

That because I went after
my stuff,

That because I did not
shut the hell up,

That because I thought
of my own daughter,
and I would not cave for her sake - whatever come,

That because I know
what is fair and what is unfair,
and I fight for what is fair,

That I disagree with meddling,

That I have a mind of my own,

That I am entertaining for some,

I am starting over with not that much.

A real person.

I am a real person. Not a movie.

Many believe in God.
He allows injustices to occur,
and I won't lose faith now that I have it back.

If this is for me,
then what of others...

or do you think He does not see?

Rewritten "Stuff That Would Bore My Sisters, 1, 2 and 3"

Decided to rewrite, improve these posts.




Stuff That Would Bore My Sisters 2, Originally posted June 27, 2009 at 4:42 p.m.

I decided turn yesterday's post into a series of sorts. However,
Sense and Sensibility would probably interest my sisters more than The Bridge on the River Kwai. Men, instead, would probably find that one boring. The two movies seem worlds apart, but, in my opinion, they are not that far apart as they both explore relationships between people. While The Bridge... deals with the power struggles, hierarchies, honor, and rules between men at war, especially among the higher ups (officers), the characters, particularly the women, in Sense and Sensibility are at the lower end of England's social hierarchy and must try to behave as society expects despite their private amorous desires.

The movie ends well for the characters only because they follow their hearts after society's rules (regarding love and marriage) leave them wanting. I completely understand the feeling of being left wanting for love by trying to do what others think is right. I can also identify with Mary Anne's character for 'becoming acquainted with the world' too quickly and in a manner that nearly led to my 'ruination.' Only neither am I as innocent as she, nor am I the type to sink into a depression until a man resues me.

That being said, I like Colonel Brandon's character as he is truly devoted, nonjudgmental, and, throughout his lady's introduction to the world and subsequent downfall, her knight. And he restores her to a place of honor in society. As tough as I feel I've had to be in restoring my own honor (though not without help from some others after all), I rather cherish chivalric behaviors and long to give my handkerchief to my most worthy gentleman.

Stuff That Would Bore My Sisters, 1 Originally posted June 25, 2009 at 7:57 p.m.

It's a good thing hardly anyone reads my blog because my sisters would be so bored to read about how I just watched
The Bridge on the River Kwai (Best Picture) again after so many years. But I would have to tell them that I learned so much from it this time around. Guess it's because I am so much older than I was the first time. How amazingly blunt the military tactics! The men were a little chauvinistic, but the film was made more than 50 years ago. Men have come a very long way, lol.

My sisters would be even less interested to know that I was just thinking yesterday, as I walked back to the house after picking plums and blackberries, that I mean to reread the Tarzan series by Edgar Rice Burroughs. I read those as a teen, so I am sure to get a lot more from them now as I would from Hemingway and a few others.

Boring stuff tonight, I know. Good thing my blog isn't popular or anything.

Btw, I spent two hours yesterday chopping up plums and boiling them for the juice to make jelly. Chopping up plums is a good way to relieve stress, you know, and to relieve boredom. Since I don't have a job, I have a lot more time to make jelly, read, watch movies... Perhaps some of us should get together to watch a movie and then talk about it over salsa or cheese dip!
Two men were chopping down a live oak that stood on the borderline of their neighboring properties. Between swings of the axes - they took turns hacking - the first man claimed that the wood should be his because, technically, the property was his. The second man responded that the wood should be his because, officially, the property was his, even though both men knew that the surveyor had made a mistake. As the discussion turned into an argument, a man from the next county rode up on his white horse and offered the men what seemed like a substantial sum of money at the time. Tired of arguing, they sold him the tree without another thought. Until the money ran out.

I would that you know

how hot my fever,
how intense my desire;

my lunatic lust revs
a hot-rodded engine
ready to take off...

soon as the light turns green-

One dog gone, only two here now, and only one I don't want to let go. Django, my big dog, and I went for a short walk earlier. Besides thinking of politics, I thought of how it is that I love Django so much when I am not that good with animals. From day one, I saw that he, like me, paid attention to people. The first time he tried, he realized I hate to be licked on the face. He will only do it if I ask him to, and those occasions are rare. Only a handful of times has he accidentally nipped me. I have only once raised my voice in reaction, and that was to the pain, not to him, because I have always seen the effort he has taken to not hurt me, or anyone else for that matter.

Also a gentleman, Django surprised my daughter by giving her the right of way to the kitchen. I explained that he always shows respect to me like that, and I love him for that and for being protective of me when we are out. He has never liked strange men or even teenage lads to come near me when we are walking or hiking. He always growls like a mad dog, lol, and then we continue quickly on our hike.

Ours is not a one way relationship. Because I see how much attention he pays me, I have tried to learn his likes and dislikes, his moods (usually calm, but sometimes aggravated), and I've even tried to read his thoughts - I know that is strange. I don't care. We don't talk much. Most of the time, we don't talk much but seem to read each other. Yes, I talk to him, but only if I have something to say. Even then, he will look at me sometimes like I am silly, but I don't mind. I stop talking, though, until I have something better to say.

He let's me think I'm in charge. This morning, I decided to jog for a lap, almost two - we both needed water quick. It's humid since the rain last night... Anyway, Django, who had walked at my pace, ran at my pace, but then he slowed us down. I followed his lead, a good thing. We ran twice as long as I thought I could, we could, and then we weren't so tired afterward. I'm taking him to a special place in just a few, because I want to be outdoors with him some more today.

In the last few months, I had stopped going out with him. I was, indeed, focusing a lot on other things, on trying to accomplish a goal. I forgot how good it felt just to get out and enjoy nature. My daughter used to go with me, but she is grown now. Has her own things to do. Django is a cool companion. I started bringing him along when my girl was still with me, but now it is just the two of us. I feel lucky I have him, especially now. After writing this, though, I wonder to myself whether Django thinks I am his dog, ha ha.

Stuff That Would Bore My Sisters, 5

I don't want anyone to misunderstand what I wrote about Elizabeth forbidding women and children in the universities. The women and children were not there to receive an education; they were a distraction. With the exception of nobility, women did not influence politics. Some of the men closest to her had wives and families - that were neglected at times for the sake of political affairs, not games. Therein lie two differences between then and now: the first being the formal education and introduction of women into the political arena, and the second being the difference of the men's focus.

I realize that with each attempt to speak to other women about political affairs I am destroying my chances to be part of a group whose current policies I do not approve. So be it. I may never retrieve the things that were stolen from me, save my honor and dignity, but it seems there are more important intrinsic goods at stake.

It is my wish now that all women learn the in's and out's of politics - many of you already know, and I am only jumping in the deep end, but I am in a position to play the outspoken underdog as I do not have to lose, and you have more power to do things that I can never do. My purpose, I suppose, has everything to do with my background, the working class. If I am meant to go back out into that arena and teach there, then I will do that rather than sit back and do nothing.

Some men are afraid of that; yet others believe that women will always wear their hearts on their sleeves, that women can always be made to be jealous of each other - thereby ruining any attempts at unity. So here is the deal: everyone stick with your own men. That is the first step in taking away their fun and in forcing them to focus on more important things than winning bets and racking up head counts.

If men learn how to read women's lit, that is not necessarily a bad thing. A few men already know how, but many do not. It will take them a while to learn. I, and you've read me, I have even been mistaken for a man a time or two, ha ha. Another positive note is that in learning to read women's lit, there should come a greater appreciation and comprehension of women, at least for most men.

Men, I am not trying to be trifling (probably would not be as much had I the proper employment, tsk, tsk). Do you not see that in restoring the political arena to where it should be, you will be better off? We will all be better off.

I have mentioned before that I should need to purchase a new pair or proper work shoes to wait tables. The ratio of men to women is in my favor. I have always told you of my plans before I carry them out. This is no exception. I am not worried as you have failed every time except when you ambushed me, lol. The idea of what I intend is somewhat thrilling as it holds the promise of a greater end.

You know I don't quit. Neither do most other working women - who, btw, make up a large percentage of the work force. Some things nearly all of us have in common: We've all been screwed over by men; We have had few breaks; We are pretty good at taking care of ourselves when we have to; We are a lot smarter than people think we are; We don't quit.

The women who don't have to work can't be too happy with the way things are. I don't want anyone to think they have it made. To the women who have to work, just think of how you might feel when you haven't worked in years, still have young children, and you know all about your man on his business trips and his late night dinners, etc. And many of your friends are in the same situation. So together, you find solace, you endure, you find a way to become comfortable with your situation.

I wrote a couple of research papers about women's roles during times of slavery. The white plantation mistresses actually had fewer rights, many times, and often - though not all the time, of course - suffered greater injustices than even slave women. So please don't judge women by what you think they have or don't have. We should consider a larger picture, as in 'what does any woman have to deal with?'

Having said all of that, I believe that after we all get back to the basics, the original intent of the rules... when we have a greater understanding of how to have a more stable society... when we focus on enlightenment and the restoration of a more civilized population... then we can understand the benefits of such a society... then we can appreciate the advantages of such a society... then we can have peace and security in our society.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Stuff That Would Bore My Sisters, 4

Not quite sure how many "movies" were being made. One was 'the experiment.' Another was 'the love story.' Both backfired.

This whole deal is being done with the language of scripture.

My daughter told me a few weeks ago that a friend said only the New Testament was worth reading. Not true. In fact, JC often spoke of the words of the prophets - Old Testament, of course. Many of my friends and family are churchgoers, claim this and that. I never did before, merely pointed out the hypocrisy... only now I read better.

First chapter I turned to that wasn't already marked - I marked it that moment for posterity - was 2 Kings, Chapters 3 and 4. Chapter 3 is about how Elisha was jeered. Chapter 4 is about how 3 kings get together to put down the bad king. I have wondered about that...

To some, the scriptures are more important. To others, the game. Many people just don't know what to do and go along with whatever helps them the most. I understand that. So skip to the New Testament where JC criticizes the religious leaders for not taking care of the people, for using the letter of the law to oppress the people.

Still not a Christian. Love the life of JC, but as he said, we all have the power to be sons of God - my opinion, he didn't mean just himself, we are all God's children, etc. His is the way, the truth and the life. He spoke to the people in a way that allowed people to become close to God, to be in the light. The people back then weren't allowed into the temple to read the actual scriptures. He let them know the spirit of the laws through his words (In the beginning was the Word, the Light), so they would not be held down and controlled by the Saduccees and Pharisees.

Didn't Martin Luther (not Martin Luther King, Jr.) try to make the scriptures more accessible to people because the religious leaders of his day were using religion to control?

Henry VIII broke with the pope but continued to collect money from the people. His daughter, Mary, used religion to make people afraid. Elizabeth used it to unify her country - but allowed people their private practice as long as they did not disrupt society. She rocked in a lot of ways. She did not like women and children in the universities, a thing I used to wonder about. Now I see what a distraction it is to the men, getting them to think seriously about the state of affairs, about learning, about taking care of business. Many men were so busy thinking about other things in all of this they lost their identity. So many weaknesses have been exposed. Minds haven't been where they should be. And matters of state, learning, taking care of business - that these were pushed to the side, is that a safety issue? Are we like the ancient Romans, so used to having it good that we are, as a nation, undisciplined, spoiled? I think so, at times, yes.

So what is the point of my blog? I don't know. It started out as another trying to say 'Hey, what I did was one thing, but what all of you did should not have to cost me the opportunities I've worked so hard for.' And it still does not have to. Mine can still be fixed.

This post started turning into 'If this happened to me, it can still happen to others, and I am sure has already happened to others, but they must not have been able to stand up for themselves and I want to stand up for everybody.'

Now it is still both of those, but I know that I cannot change anything. I can only keep begging you to change things. I can keep trying to educate you to treat women better, like women not soldiers. I can keep trying to educate women as to how things really still are. I'm no longer living in Whoville (Yeah, I am watching too much tv this weekend, but I can't turn my brain off).

As I learn the rules, I understand the reasons for them - yet... yet I cannot follow them because of the way they are being used. Now is the time for Martin Luther King, Jr. He stressed civil disobedience for the cause of a greater good. There is no good reason for my situation. So I will keep trying to be part of the solution. The solution is not going along with a system that doesn't make sense. I do still have common sense. Do you?

This whole thing bugs me, and not just because of me. It stinks for all kinds of reasons. Mostly for the humanity that too many players lack, but also for the lack of common sense (yes, my goof was a lack of common sense), and for the abundance of religious hypocrisy. To make things better, it is going to take all of us working at it. I need to see it. When I am out, not just here.

If enough people want this, we can make it happen. Rules are good, but they have to be used for the purpose they were made - not for some of the garbage they're being used for. Are so many people content with being led and going along? Reference to Mary Wollstonecraft (see earlier post): I'm not a gentlewoman, been a working woman. Have the benefits of both: masculine education and tenacity. I read you all better and faster than you read me. Textbooks and most novels are written in 'masculine,' so I knew what to look for.

I know some of you were fooled by the picture of a woman and a few references to pms - but those were not in the way a woman would write. Women could take this thing over if we could get together and not be jealous about what tail our men are chasing. How many years until (most of) you can read feminine lit and truly understand it without much thought? By that time, we can use the rules to beat you at your own game. I wonder whether we could take over the world. Now wouldn't that be cool? I really hope they at least consider the idea.

Tired of making jelly,

muscles sore from chopping plums,
I want to savor the sweetness,
the hint of tart on my tongue,
languid you on the sofa
between my legs and arms,
your shoulder over my hip,
one arm tucked behind my waist,
and your face resting
between my small, one in your hand, breasts;
then we can fall asleep.

Looking at a sea

in front of me,
I love the sea from a distance,
like on tv;
Don't want to drown,
scared of octopuses.

Looking at the forest
I left behind,
I love to hike a well-worn trail,
but not alone;
I want someone who will share
the experience.

Looking at the desert
I've never crossed,
I don't think I'd make it
without water;
And I would grow weary
without more to look at.

Looking at the stars
I will never touch,
No one I know will touch them,
but one day someone may;
I want them to take
my words with them.

Someone lost only a six pack.

I lost my job.

Words been floating around:

Someone lost a six pack.
I lost my friggin' job.

Does a true American think
that shit is funny?

Phrases floated around:

"She can use the meds as an excuse..."

"Special needs"

"What can we diagnose her with?"

I wonder how many Americans
have seen the movie Trading Places?

What does it mean to be an American?

I thought it meant that hard work would pay off.

I thought it meant that one could rise above

that nice guys and chicks could finish first.

No promises.

I am who I am
going to persevere
in seeking justice
for my loss on the battlefield,
for the battle
I the woman,
I the civilian,
I the unknowing
never chose.

Any daughter,
can be dragged into the middle,
into the fray.

How would your daughter,
your sister,
your mother,
your aunt,
your niece

How would you want her to?

I want you alone

with a golden, low-lit lamp,
with a tidal wave of heat
rocking us down,
down under a sultry, silver sea
of illuminated senses;
I want to taste your aura,
drink you in,
inhale you
as you see my eyes
for the first time
and I see yours.

I would know

how you would want me,
still or moving,
awake or sleeping,
breathless or panting,
shy or laughing...

I would know
how you would want me,
submissive or challenging,
given or tempting,
stubborn or softening,
clothed or undressing...

I would know
how you would want me,
penniless or working,
quiet or speaking,
silent or thinking,
inactive or trying...

I would know
how you would want me,
strong or obeying,
learned or denying,
drowned or defying,
in love, or lying.

I would know
how you would want me,
friendly or kissing,
passionate or nurturing,
outside or fitting,
loser or winning.

You should know,
though you already know
how to have both,
mostly both,
if you want,
but not all.
I would know
what is not all.

Stuff That Would Bore My Sisters, 3

I purchased A Vindication of the Rights of Woman by Mary Wollstonecraft a while back, but I only recently picked it up again. In the fourth chapter, "The State of Degradation to Which Woman Is Reduced," Wollstonecraft explicitly details man's part in the degradation of women. I found several quotes that are important to me, and I found a website that has the full text (link posted further down).

"...for many innocent girls become the dupes of a sincere, affectionate heart, and still more are, as it may emphatically be termed, ruined before they know the difference between virtue and vice: - and thus prepared by their education for infamy, they become infamous. Asylums and Magdalenes are not the proper remedies for these abuses. It is justice, not charity, that is wanting in the world!" (p. 72)

"Necessity never makes prostitution the business of men's lives: though numberless are the women who are thus rendered systematically vicious. This however, arises, in a great degree, from the state of idleness in which women are educated, who are always taught to look u to man for a maintenance, and to consider their persons as the proper return for his exertions to support." (p.72)

"For, miserable beyond all names of misery is the condition of a being, who could be degraded without its own consent! This excess of strictness I have heard vindicated as a salutary error. I shall answer in the words of Leibnitz - 'Errors are often useful; but it is commonly to remedy other errors.'" (p. 73)

"Most of the evils of life arise from a desire of present enjoyment that outruns itself. The obedience required of women in the marriage state comes under this description; the mind, naturally weakened by depending on authority, never exerts its own powers, and obedient wife is thus rendered a weak indolent mother. Or supposing that this is not always the consequence, a future state of existence is scarcely taken into the reckoning when only negative virtues are cultivated." (p.73)

"Yes, virtue as well as religion, has been subjected to the decisions of taste." (p.73)

"...how eager men are to degrade the sex from whom they pretend to receive the chief pleasure of life... A love of pleasure ow sway sees to divide mankind, and the husband who lords it in his little harem thinks only of his pleasure or his convenience. To such lengths, indeed, does an intemperate love of pleasure carry some prudent men, or worn out libertines, who marry to have a safe bed-fellow, that they seduce their own wives. - Hymen banishes modesty, and chaste love takes its flight." (p. 73)

"Love, considered as an animal appetite, cannot long feed on itself without expiring. and this extinction in its own flame, may be termed the violent death of love. But the wife who has thus been rendered licentious, will probably endeavour to fill the void left by the loss of her husband's attentions; for she cannot contentedly become merely an upper servant after having been treated like a goddess." (p. 73)

"But leaving superior minds to correct themselves, and pay dearly for their experience, it is necessary to observe, that it is not against strong, persevering passions; but romantic wavering feelings that I wish to guard the female heart by exercising the understand: for these paradisaical reveries are oftener the effect of idleness than of a lively fancy." (p. 75)

"... In short, the whole tenour of female education (the education of society0 tends to render the best disposed romantic and inconstant; and the remainder vain and mean. In the present state of society this evil can scarcely be remedied..." (p. 75)

"...but gentlewomen are too indolent to be actively virtuous, and are softened rather than refined by civilization. Indeed the good sense which I have met with, among the poor women who have few advantages of education, and yet have acted heroically, strongly confirmed me in the opinion that trifling employments have rendered woman a trifler. Man, taking her body, the mind is left to rust; so that while physical love enervates man, as being his favourite recreation, he will endeavour to enslave woman: - and who can tell, how many generation may be necessary to give vigour to the virtue and talents of the freed posterity of abject slaves?" (p. 77)

"In tracing the causes that, in my opinion, have degraded woman... to me it appears clear that they all spring from want of understanding... for I shall not lay any great stress on the example of a few women who, from having received a masculine education, have acquired courage and resolution; I only contend that the men who have been placed in similar situation, have acquired a similar character - I speak of bodies of men, and that men of genius and talents have started out of a class, in which women have never yet been placed." (p. 78)

An intelligent, lively discussion could arise from any one of these quotes. I encourage my sisters to read the rest of the chapter, even the book, and put some thought into what you read. My book has more detailed footnotes and explanations than does the website, but there are probably other helpful sites. If you find some that you like, or if you would like to help start a healthy discussion, please post a comment. All comments are welcome, even from men - as long as they are conducive to the quotes and/or discussions.



*All excerpts quoted are from A Vindication of the Rights of Woman, Mary Wollstonecraft, Copyright 1996 by Dover Publications, Inc.

Stuff That Would Bore My Sisters, 2

Sense and Sensibility would probably interest my sisters. Men, instead, would probably find that one boring.

The movie ends well for the characters only because they follow their hearts after society's rules (regarding love and marriage) leave them wanting. I completely understand the feeling of being left wanting for love by trying to do what others think is right. I can also identify with Mary Anne's character for 'becoming acquainted with the world' too quickly and in a manner that nearly led to my 'ruination.' Only neither am I as innocent as she, nor am I the type to sink into a depression until a man resues me.

That being said, I like Colonel Brandon's character as he is truly devoted, nonjudgmental, and, throughout his lady's introduction to the world and subsequent downfall, her knight. Everyone sees how much he adores Mary Anne. Knowing that Willoughby is a scoundrel, he expresses his hope that the young man will be worthy of her. Yet he does not want to appear treacherous, allows her to choose her suitor. Only after she learns of how she has been played does the Colonel reveal his knowledge of Willoughby's indiscretions.

Even when Mary Anne is still getting over her unfaithful lover, Colonel Brandon cares for her. She falls in love with him after all. And he restores her to a place of honor in society. As tough as I feel I've had to be in restoring my own honor (though not without help from some others after all), I rather cherish chivalric behaviors and long to give my handkerchief to my most worthy knight.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Stuff That Would Bore My Sisters

I spent two hours yesterday chopping up plums and boiling them for the juice to make jelly. Chopping up plums is a good way to relieve stress, you know, and to relieve boredom. Since I don't have a job, I have a lot more time to make jelly, read, watch movies... Perhaps some of us should get together to watch a movie and then talk about it over salsa or cheese dip!

Just heard this by Jesus Jackson a few minutes ago... omg, wow.

Gonna pick up this cd next time I'm out - I'm broke, but I'll make a cut somewhere else, lol. The music kicks ass, and the lyrics simply kill.

Memories forever altered

by learning
Speed, racing spirits, through me.
Old memories become new memories,
yet I retain the childlike remembrances,
compare them with the new knowledge;
Two worlds, one mind,
One ability to comprehend,
make sense of the two,
(though wiser perception brings to light
some suspected I am sad are true after all)
make one duality of the two,
one Venn diagram,

via my oneness.

Two words

as I leave,
Head spins and my feet nearly trip,
Except they no longer feel the floor.
Heart jumps to a higher level;
I like the chemical rush to my brain.

Have you noticed the more I tell you
the less I am able to speak to you
in sentences of more than
two or three words?
The safer I feel,
the more I try to hide my blush,
my nervous smile?

Can barely look you in the eyes
for more than a moment,
Or I lose total ability to think.

Three words for you...

Just you wait. ;-)

(To one person)

What is fair?

I gave up my home,
paid off 4 (or 5?) of your credit cards
that you charged again
except for the last one,
tried to not pry into your finances
since you growled at me
whenever I asked
(should have been a clue)
Bought your car,
Made the down payment on mine
after I found a really good deal on it,
and I haven't missed a payment,
but you let think I don't help.

Said I would not take your home,
would not make you sell your home,
did not want to share your debts
I already paid,
and you let think that I never help...

Don't want to take what isn't mine,
only what is fair,
I even erred on your side,
but you won't let think I am trying
to not take what is yours
though you never minded
taking, using, spending,
saying 'goodbye' to mine
while I had something of mine

Saved up to leave,
saved up to leave,
and you played your game
with my heart and my head
just so I would not leave,
but I am still going to leave

You bought another toy while I was gone
Just shows you thought your plan would work
That I would not leave
That I would not leave

(To one person, to myself, and to a second person)

Some things I knew so fast,

but some only come to me after the dust settle,
after the dust settled,
and settles,
and I see myself,

In some ways, I would have been better off
to cut my losses,
my career,
to leave you then,
but I wanted my career more than I wanted to leave you.

And I would not know what I know,
would not know what I know,
would not know what I know,
would not know what I know.

I want to know what I know,
don't know why I want to know,
okay, I do,
I always like to know,
but I think the whole thing is
I think the whole thing is

(To a second person)

Why make things harder on me?
I guess cause a man is trying to be in charge
Cause one man's, my man's shortcomings
made all men look bad?
The only lesson
the only lesson
I learned is that in the end
Is still the best policy
not meddling.

I rest sometimes, but I never quit
I never quit
I never, ever, ever quit.

I will work it out
I will work it out.

For your entertainment, I suppose...

But my entertainment is that you were wrong,
you were wrong,
you were wrong about me,
about him,
about the way things will end.
About the way I will end up.
I will end up
not down.

I still have more questions I will ask
I don't have a boss, so who cares what I do?

I will write what I will write,
and I will say what I will say,
and I will ask what I will ask,
and I will do what I will do.

I will continue to follow the rules I will
and break the ones that do not matter.

I will continue to follow the rules I will
and break the ones that do not matter.

Disrespect for disrespect

My situation disrespected
My mind disrespected
As if I don't know when I don't have
a good thing
As if I don't know there exists
something better
As if I can't make a feminine decision
that makes sense

To fall in love was one thing,
but you believed every other thing,
You got duped,
and I got canned, panned, banned.
I never got duped.
But I still got canned, lol.

So we are what?
Friends? Admirers? Curious participants?
Life is what it is what I make of it.
Things could be worse.
Things could be worse.

What do you think?
What do you think now?
I think I know, but I think I don't.
A conversation between Abraham Lincoln
and Fredrick Douglass
might have sounded something like
what we might say
how you had good intentions but thought
things were one way
and I explained that I have a brain
and so do other (women)
and are things really the way they should be?

Btw, did you know that Douglass
became a supporter of women's rights
after he realized that they needed
their own voice?

Lincoln and Douglass had mutual respect,
Had mutual respect.
I respect what you thought you were doing,
but you were wrong.
Now what?
Now what.
What are we going to say?

No meds in the way,
I am back to stay.
I know my reality.
That almost has nothing to do with us.
That has everything to do with us.
I don't expect you will right a wrong.
The respect is there.
I guess that is enough.
But is it?
With or without each other,
with or without each other,
neither want to be,
but lean on the side of with.
I see your points,
and you know I'm right,
so we lean on the side of with.
Aggravated that I have to save again,
aggravated that you did but didn't win,
aggravated, but somehow content,
perhaps pleased in a sense
that life still holds some surprises,
that there are lessons yet to be learned,
that we exist.

Kissing takes a back seat
(kissing in the back seat is cool, though)
as I think it's only fair,
as I risk more torture,
as I explain that

Yes, I like to fall in love, but
reality is
reality is
reality is
I always needed my job.
Reality is.

Reality is he will never change,
and I will change
have changed
still changing direction,
but someone thought
(please don't do that anymore)
that I needed to stay put
with daily disrespect.
My reality,
maybe now you see...

A battle of fun for you,
A battle of love for you,
A battle of will for you.

A battle of I thought
this was something else,
I thought
this was my job,
I thought
this was my career,
I thought,
this was my reality,
I thought
being stuck here
was my reality.

And so my options,
you can guess,
but it's not such a mess
that I can figure out
some way,
as love takes a back seat
to a more pending reality,
though love's a reality,
so I can wear a smile.

Ever resourceful,
I can make the best of
my reality,
the choice,
my choice
of living with disrespect
or respecting myself.

I wonder whether your plan
included unemployment,
thought it would be funny,
thought I would be afraid
to show my paperwork
at the office.
With my reality?
Maybe that is what you would do...

Someone probably still amused,
but I can't even worry myself with you,
and the rest may understand
that I didn't know,
didn't believe,
didn't have a clue,
except I knew that something was wierd,
but this time it wasn't me,
so I had to save myself
in order to save myself
from disrespect,
from daily disrespect.

Knowing, manipulating, directors
thought to know best,
to save me
from myself,
when I was only giving him
another chance,
knowing it would not be,
knowing he would never respect me,
but you did not care about that,
did not know him like I know him,
and now,
look what you have saved me from,
a job,
a job,
a job.

I'm not too upset for
your good intentions,
more important for me
that you know,
that you understand,
that you see
I had no choice,
cause I can't live a lie.
Guess I better be happy
in the unemployment line.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Kissing you is all I can think of. XXXXXXXX

Delectable brunch T-bone on the tray

made my mouth water.
Sure, I noticed, couldn't help it,
but what could I do,
Jump out of my seat and grab it?
Ha, ha, the thought did enter my head
and has stayed up there
while I have tried to think of
3- or 4-layered cake
and focus on
balloon animals
while I balance my checking account.

By nature's course,

I find myself moving freely
closer to my destination,

The heart and the mind
needed more time to agree,
were thrown off course by molestation.

Saving my soul
became my sole driving focus,
while surviving excruciating degradation;

And here I am,
Sorting out life, like in December,
only I'm certain of my affiliation.

Wiser, I think,
Definitely more careful, humble,
filled with deeper appreciation,

Living better for today,
ever hopeful for the future,
relishing in excited anticipation.

Does the boy in you love the girl I am,

or the woman in me?
The slave in me loves the master in you,
wants to break all the rules you'll let me.
Is the man in you strong enough
to continue to talk down my spirit?
Of course, you know that all you can do
is talk me down, never tame...

Yesterday, I saw a beautiful painting
by an artist I adore,
left me wanting more.
How could I tell him how much
I admired his exquisite art
for my rapid beating heart?
An ocean of air divides us,
and still, we touch,
Hearts, perhaps souls, we touch.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Nights not knowing whose arms
held me in my dreams,

Days wondering whose voice
whispered and laughed with me,

Moments opening my eyes to a kiss
only for you to vanish...

These things of the past
haunt me no longer.

Sea of electric eels

zapping each other.
Don't notice much
when they get hit.
Even the babies
are partially immune.

Throw in a human...

Deaden the feelings,
deaden the uniqueness,
make her just like the others;
she won't feel used...

Or she will drown...

Can she grow thicker skin
and still be human,
swim with shocking, electric eels?

If she believes...

God help her!

I want to sit on your lap

for a while
and play with your ears,
kiss your neck,
let you make me behave
like a good woman.
Unless you want me
to be bad.

Opened mind
Silent eyes
Ears working overtime

like never before.

Thinking first
Acting later
Reactions are tougher

to coerce.

Too late
Tool ate
Me for lunch

left me at the door.

Still won't hide
or stay inside
I'm aware now

for better or for worse.
'His' and 'Hers'
A matching set
until one is more
worn than the other.

'Yours' and 'Mine'
Is there an 'Ours'
or will you keep me
in the dark, lover?

A two-way street,
for damn sure,
or get run over.

Are you one walking high and low?

Or two trying to walk one road?
Mixed, split, diffused, confused.
One part split, two parts half-fused?
One is all you need to be.
Know what others may not see.
Walk your road, walk many roads
as the One your only body holds.

You were fine with the life

before she knew,
fine with the lies,
though she didn't need clues
to tell you were lying.
Would she be better flying?

What will you do
when you get bored?
Will you let her have, too,
when you want more?
She thinks you will cheat.
Can you change your deceit?

She doesn't mind
equal time,
but there's a side
you hide.
She sees,
but has other needs.

When the watch stops,
it's time to leave.
Will you be lost
while she sleeps
with another
better lover?