Friday, June 26, 2009

(To one person)

What is fair?

I gave up my home,
paid off 4 (or 5?) of your credit cards
that you charged again
except for the last one,
tried to not pry into your finances
since you growled at me
whenever I asked
(should have been a clue)
Bought your car,
Made the down payment on mine
after I found a really good deal on it,
and I haven't missed a payment,
but you let think I don't help.

Said I would not take your home,
would not make you sell your home,
did not want to share your debts
I already paid,
and you let think that I never help...

Don't want to take what isn't mine,
only what is fair,
I even erred on your side,
but you won't let think I am trying
to not take what is yours
though you never minded
taking, using, spending,
saying 'goodbye' to mine
while I had something of mine

Saved up to leave,
saved up to leave,
and you played your game
with my heart and my head
just so I would not leave,
but I am still going to leave

You bought another toy while I was gone
Just shows you thought your plan would work
That I would not leave
That I would not leave

(To one person, to myself, and to a second person)

Some things I knew so fast,

but some only come to me after the dust settle,
after the dust settled,
and settles,
and I see myself,

In some ways, I would have been better off
to cut my losses,
my career,
to leave you then,
but I wanted my career more than I wanted to leave you.

And I would not know what I know,
would not know what I know,
would not know what I know,
would not know what I know.

I want to know what I know,
don't know why I want to know,
okay, I do,
I always like to know,
but I think the whole thing is
I think the whole thing is

(To a second person)

Why make things harder on me?
I guess cause a man is trying to be in charge
Cause one man's, my man's shortcomings
made all men look bad?
The only lesson
the only lesson
I learned is that in the end
Is still the best policy
not meddling.

I rest sometimes, but I never quit
I never quit
I never, ever, ever quit.

I will work it out
I will work it out.

For your entertainment, I suppose...

But my entertainment is that you were wrong,
you were wrong,
you were wrong about me,
about him,
about the way things will end.
About the way I will end up.
I will end up
not down.

I still have more questions I will ask
I don't have a boss, so who cares what I do?

I will write what I will write,
and I will say what I will say,
and I will ask what I will ask,
and I will do what I will do.

I will continue to follow the rules I will
and break the ones that do not matter.

I will continue to follow the rules I will
and break the ones that do not matter.

Disrespect for disrespect

My situation disrespected
My mind disrespected
As if I don't know when I don't have
a good thing
As if I don't know there exists
something better
As if I can't make a feminine decision
that makes sense

To fall in love was one thing,
but you believed every other thing,
You got duped,
and I got canned, panned, banned.
I never got duped.
But I still got canned, lol.

So we are what?
Friends? Admirers? Curious participants?
Life is what it is what I make of it.
Things could be worse.
Things could be worse.

What do you think?
What do you think now?
I think I know, but I think I don't.
A conversation between Abraham Lincoln
and Fredrick Douglass
might have sounded something like
what we might say
how you had good intentions but thought
things were one way
and I explained that I have a brain
and so do other (women)
and are things really the way they should be?

Btw, did you know that Douglass
became a supporter of women's rights
after he realized that they needed
their own voice?

Lincoln and Douglass had mutual respect,
Had mutual respect.
I respect what you thought you were doing,
but you were wrong.
Now what?
Now what.
What are we going to say?

No meds in the way,
I am back to stay.
I know my reality.
That almost has nothing to do with us.
That has everything to do with us.
I don't expect you will right a wrong.
The respect is there.
I guess that is enough.
But is it?
With or without each other,
with or without each other,
neither want to be,
but lean on the side of with.
I see your points,
and you know I'm right,
so we lean on the side of with.
Aggravated that I have to save again,
aggravated that you did but didn't win,
aggravated, but somehow content,
perhaps pleased in a sense
that life still holds some surprises,
that there are lessons yet to be learned,
that we exist.

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