Friday, July 3, 2009

I ask myself, trying to find
the good in people as always,
whether anyone could accept
could believe 38 years and some days
were too long to not know,
if this was the reason for their ire,
if this were the root.
And, for this, was it their desire
to teach me to get back in line
when I had no clue,
when I really did not know,
did I sound like I knew?
And I cry as I think, try to believe
that they really meant no harm...
that they just did not realize
exceptions , or mistakes, if you prefer,
Either way, I need to forgive
the ones who failed to understand
I did not know how they live.

How close for so many years,
yet so far away, but I was aware;
I've shed many tears
for feeling left out, not knowing why.
Tried to emulate, tried to be.
So close.
Maybe some people still don't believe,
but the ones who know me do,
and that is why what happened was so wrong,
should never happen anyway,
but especially before the dawn.

Does God make mistakes?
I've always been told 'of course, not'
so I have held the notion that I am
a lesson that should be taught,
in both senses;
I am a flower that must bloom,
a tree that must continue to grow,
a bride for my groom.
To deny me would be to ignore
that all children were tended,
none turned back;
I will be mended,
I am mending, healing.
My soul is being lifted,
and I do not cover God's revealing,
though I am tempted
to hide, tempted to fade
into the background,
but the darkness is where I stayed
for too long,
38 years and some days;
to return now would be to not live.
I want to live in the Light of day.

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