1.

Paper doll

Dress her up

Underneath

She's still a slut

Paper thin

Slips from your thumb

She leaves her mark

Paper cut

Makes you bleed

Makes you hurt

Makes you want

Her sexy butt

You want a game

Without the work

You shove your hands

Inside her skirt

Like that, she's gone

You stupid jerk

You assumed she was

A desperate slut




2.

Red and yellow paper cut

Opens the skin

You slide in

Sits an unfamiliar slut

Lips and nips you want to suck

Vacillate orbs to hide in

Explore within

Hidden gilded locked up trunk

The key was there you saw it glimmer

Fainted stardust

Painted starlust

Silver tongues cast shadows dimmer

You were so close and so blind

You could not touch

Gave not enough

The key remains another's to find

Paint a smile for me,

Paint a smile on my heart,

Make it sing until the last sunset fades

over an ocean that calls its last farewell.

Trace forever across my cheek,

Trace eternity on my lips

With a touch that knows no sorrow

and leaves me breathless for tomorrow.

Hold me,

Hold me long enough to make me remember

how it feels to know that I will always be loved,

to know certainty.

Don't let me go,

Don't let me fall,

Don't let me push you away when I need you most,

even if I tell you it's what I want cause I lie to be strong.

Man-woman.

If she is to have a man,

he has to be

'okay'

with letting her be equal,

or

have the wisdom

and maturity

to have her.

I learn everything

I need to learn

By trial and error.

And it fucking burns.

But I get it.

You still don't get it.

This has been going on

too long -- I let it.

Now you know

I will go,

I will leave.

I don't believe.

You left me behind

again,

And I knew you would.

Still write

on the back of your hand.

I'm no fool.

Been ahead of you,

Waiting for you,

Told you what I'd do

to see what you'd do,

I see how you react,

Show me what you do.

Your true colors

fly high,

I see them clearly

after clouds roll by.

I see you want it your way,

still.

I see you want me your way,

still.

And you think I don't have

a clue.

I think you don't have

a clue.

There is no faith,

trust is gone.

These things you admitted,

you know I've known.

We both find some things

hard to let go,

hard to let go.

And you know me,

but you don't see

Your ways have killed

my trust.

Your ways will always kill

my trust.

Your ways may work

on someone else,

but I am not

someone else.

I never have been,

Will never be

someone else.

But you can't stop

treating me

like I am not me,

but someone else.

I am the one

who knows you,

the one who has

lived with you,

who knows the things

no one else knows,

how you drift

when attention blows.

How you love

when attention blows.

You're a semi-expert

at the game,

but I find you

just the same.

You've always been

the same,

You will never

never change.

I drew you in

by your fears,

as you've drawn me

with zirconia tears.

Now I know

what I need to know.

As long as I stay,

you will haunt my every day,

And you will have

your hideaway

like you've had awhile.

You won't have my smile.

You will have none of me.

Not like this.

I am not made for this.

You do not deserve my kiss.

You cannot have me,

You cannot have me,

I cannot pretend,

I cannot be

Ignorant - I was never blind,

Nor deaf,

Nor lacking in mind.

I knew then

What I needed to know,

I knew,

But I loved you, couldn't go.

Now I know

You believe I'll go,

I know that your knowledge

Does not change what you don't show.

The morning chill

asked how will

I warm my heart

when winter comes.

A glow within

ignites a grin.

I'll think of you

when winter comes.

Left him sitting there,

alone;

Thought to go back,

walked on;

Tried not to look

through the window;

A moment past,

but not gone.

1.

I hear.

It is easier to listen

When self-preservation

Is not my most important mission.

2.

He removed,

but did not erase

what resides in my confidence.

3.

A fool will promise

his love a thousand one vows

and fail to keep one.

4.

Deeds done out of fear

can be carried out not long

without conviction.

5.

One patient but wise

will not idle forever

waiting for a fool.

A passing glance,

my denial of anticipation

must have glowed strawberries on my cheeks.

Perhaps you will come back,

and we will finish each others' sentences.

Tonight, in my drifting fantasies, we dance.

Just Poems...

These are just poems, nothing else. Just poems.

1.



Been thinking,



how neither of us like to fight,



but you always say



you fight because you love me,



or you would stand back,



let me go



like you let her go,



but you love me,



so you fight yourself,



the things you know that I know,



the life you don't want me to know,



because you love me...

2.

Butterfly wings for your picking,

Rainbows on black for your licking,

Hot pink toll booth to heaven,

Wet and primed for pricking;

Inconsolable lips

Quiver over your hips,

Eagerness sets in

As passion flows and pours and drips;

Desperate hands upon your chest,

Forced breaths exude from my breast,

Your eyes -- I fell in,

Submitted to your wickedness.

3.



You hide, I flaunt,



I chase, you taunt,



My open book, your deception



Leave us both to want.





We are only ours to lose,



Each day we choose



Not peace, but our weapon,



Never achieving more than truce.

4.

One,

you want my whole

for yourself.

What do you give me but reminders

that I was not good enough,

better than anything you ever had,

so you said,

but never good enough...

5.



Stop complaining



that you deserve better,



when all I ever hear is



"Please,



Don't leave me,



I love you



More than I have ever loved anyone.



I need you.



Give me one more chance.



Please?"



I must love you



More than I have ever loved anyone,



because I know you,



and I keep on giving you



One more chance.

6.

Jealous of me, you explained

why you beat me so...

When I know others whose inner beings

I admire,

I long for them,

they give me reason to aspire,

Not more reason to self-hate.

I never complained,

Never asked you to not be

humorous,

adorable,

sweet,

Just to stop giving it all away,

leaving no food for me

to eat.

Feed me first!

Please, please...

(sob)

feed me first.

You behave as though I

lack the right

To point out our deficiencies,

As though my belief

in your potential,

my attempts to fight

For us--

(whimper)

You refuse to see

The man in your mirror,

an adolescent mirage.

You still see who you wish to see.

For my efforts,

You spit on me,

On us.

You ensure your fantasy image

lives on

At our expense.

Your selfish pretense.

7.



I dance to the rhythm



Of the turning world.



As grey morning



Becomes



A golden day,



A harp is born along the wall;



It's strings lengthen



Until a midday crescendo,



Then slowly fade



Into a lullaby.

8.

The morning muse

Pulls out her harp,

Fingers stroke strings,

Sleeping colors awaken

To golden melodies

Gliding across the grey landscape.

9.



Your tentative question,



Can she crawl under my blanket?



She did come to see me...




Incredible.



A bewildered 'no' floats from my lips



And lands a puzzle on your face.



Am I to forget she was also there



to tell you where she was buying



the men's shirts?



Played her music so loud,



As if I were tone deaf.



I tried to be,



Said proudly, like a blushing bride,



That we had renewed our vows.



All one motion,



hands slapped her lap as she stood;



I had not meant to slap her face.



She decreed you buy yourself



"A paper Burger King crown



and a matching tiara for _____."



Said my name,



gestured a nod in my direction,



As if I were blind...




A crystal tear 'no' escaped my heart,



colllided with your wall.



Your lying lips agreed,



Began throwing



My other friends



under the same bus.



I want to throw myself



under there, too,



find some peace



from your double dealings.

10.

How would you humiliate me

into begging for your love

and believing your stories?

Would you strip me and beat me?

Would you laugh while I struggled

to rise from my fall?

Would you?

Would you push me back down

when I tried to get up?

Would you deny me your commitment

you made on the bridge?

Would you?

Would you rather save yourself

from the truth

than save us?

Would you?

11.

The body is willing.

Love versus hate versus apathy

revolve in a deadly bitter triangle.

You cannot give,



I cannot leave,



So we grieve.

You like the attention,

the sympathy

too much to face the truth.

For glimpses of your love,

I remain.

12.



You make me Laugh.

I love You.

Hurry Home.

It's Friday,

and I'm Horny.

i know he loves me

because he shaved his head

and his face,

he was open to my wisdom,

and he left that awful place.

i know he loves me.

Injustice, to expose them only

to the sun;

let them be washed in quicksilver,

their scars be softened...

None see the scars to be,

slits and gashes you pull apart

again,

tearing my tender flesh...

your lies penetrate less deeply

newly healed tissues,

stronger in resistance...

your dulled tongue,

your same ol' song

lulls our love into the hands

of the sandman...

I fought him for us

with all I had...

deaf to my cries,

drowned out by his laughter

you mistook for praise.

BR-ex,

20 years of seeing a friend

like the girl you 'guess' is 18,

now you are a fan of hers, too.

Psycho or Sicko?


WOW!!!!!!!!!!!

Side to side
along the court,
chasing slices,
back and forth,
sprinting for drops,
watching winners fly by,
the mixed scents of summertime
grass and sweat
a mild distraction,
but I focus on hitting it over the net.

Maybe I was born yesterday,
but I was reminded today
of a Triple Good ad I read a few months ago.
The man was saying what a special day
to hold a newborn and look into its eyes.
What faith!
Tell me, tell me what precious souls
to care so for the trust and love
a newborn can give.
What sacrament!
That the world should be overrun
by such communities
to be our example of the sanctity of kinship.
I am certain there awaits a special place
for such as they.
The great poets must surely lavish
generous heaps of praise upon their heads.

1.

A roaring flash from the clearest skies
smote you to the ground.
Fear you had never known
toppled the boyhood 'king of the mountain.'
Home expects you to remain the same
you have always been.
Walking around with others,
they say they understand,
but they cannot,
and you live with this thing
that seems best killed
or at least tamed
by compassion.


2.

I walk clumsily in your shoes now,
Doubt I can fill them,
But I step high and carry their weight,

I step high

carry the weight

Others cannot see my invisible giants
dragging under me,
pulling at my legs, making me stronger

pulling at my legs

making me stronger

Others walk ahead,
call back to me,
refuse to wait, extend their hands

refuse to wait

extend their hands

The secret had to unfold,
she knew,
since they thought she told
an untruth,
had already gone back
on her word,
fell off the track,
"she's absurd."
In the capital of "food processing"
where many for more than fun are pressing,
she did not want to fit
another statistic --
in the also capital of "I'm sharing our lunch with someone else so our 'contract' is void."
To play,
but not that way, ha HA!
That messy, dirty business
is not
what she meant to express
another thought.
Not another thought of talking
or emailing with him,
never again.
Keep walking...
The right person knew
what she meant,
read all of the hints,
got the point of view.
Thx.

Eight Inch Figurine

Few knew*
the broken doll,
the blond girl,
head still in one piece,
pink smile,
spring bouquet
poised porcelain,
her cornflower blue dress.
Alone on the wall,
she observed
four of them
from her pedestal.
Testosterone
blasted through the screen,
possessed his body.
The demon foot lifted,
sent its force upward,
crashing,
obliterating her presence.
The demon fled the room.

*Actual event that was not funny at the time. The doll had sentimental value, and the demon-possessed person was genuinely sorry. But the look on everyone's face is everlastingly funny!

Lying near me,
not completely asleep,
quietly breathing,
waiting for me to hold you.
You cannot breathe deep
unless I hold you.
In the morning,
you will want to wake me,
but you will leave me quietly,
completely asleep,
to wake later and find myself
buried under the covers
where you lay.

I tried to fix a misunderstanding by posting a poem about the broken doll. Sigh. It was very innocent, lol, and literal.

Twenty seconds to reflect.
The past looks nothing like I thought it would
The present not like I dreamed,
But near my assumption.
The dreams I used to dream
Not the plans that I make.
Mostly not.
A few cling desperately to my hopeful inner child,
An all but faded caricature on a coloring book page.
“Do not leave us!” they cry.
“We will die if you let us go!”
Tears flow in rainbow rivets
Leaving pigmented footprints just beneath the ripples.
Life springs eternal, but dreams live or die
In a constant battle of circumstance and will.
Twenty seconds to confirm or reject
The notion that life is what we make of it.
Is life what we make of it,
Or does life make us?
The ones who like Lewis rose to the top,
Then saw the other impossible mountains to cross,
Sat down and cried.
Did his heart or his team force him forward?
Or was it the mountain already behind him?
Was it will,
Or was it circumstance?
Many mountains he crossed with his brothers…
Alone at the end.
Twenty seconds to rejoice
The small things,
The taken for granted things,
The big things that come ever so often,
The surprises…
The shared…
The solitude...
The living of life.
Twenty seconds is twenty more than we had before,
Cannot be relived, respent, reserved for the future.
Twenty seconds…